This is a transcribed copy of the episode "Chloe (episode)".

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Chloe (episode) Gallery Transcript

(Camera is shown pointing at windows of The Bear Cave and Chloe is heading towards the windows)

Chloe: Okay, here it is. The date is June 24th. I've found what I believe to be a cave. Oh. This furniture looks handmade. Aw, dang. Oh. There. Nobody will notice. Hmm. Porridge maybe. [slurps, gags] Yep, that's porridge. Oh, hey, I've read that -- Oh! (Gasp!)

Grizzly: We were all really freaked out, you know? I can't really-Hey, what the...

Panda: My chair!

Grizzly: My porridge! Who are you? How'd you get in here?

Chloe: Stay back!

(Ice Bear awakens from his sleep in the fridge and is holding his axe, threateningly.)

Chloe: Ahh! [thuds]

Grizzly: All right, all right, turn on the light.

Panda: Okay!

Chloe: Ow!

Grizzly: All right, we got you, you little rascal. What are you doing in our cave?

Chloe: Oh wow. So, this is your cave! Perfect!

Grizzly: Mind games, eh? I know your type. Now tell us why you were filming in here and touching our--

Chloe: So its true what the scientists say-- your cavities are atrocious. Would you say that your poor dental hygiene contributes to your surly nature?

Grizzly: I don't know what, "Surly," means, but I'm going to pretend it means, "Radical." So thank you. But that wasn't the answer we need.

[fork screeching on small chalk board by Ice Bear and Panda dropped his phone]

Panda: Wah! Oh no! I'm sorry, I can't find it. It's too dark in here.

Grizzly: Maybe it's over--

Panda and Grizzly: Ahh!/Ohh!

Panda: So bright!

Grizzly and Panda: G: How are we supposed to be cool with you throwing our mood lighting around? P: I'm sorry! It was an accident!

Panda: My paws were sweaty!

Grizzly: Hey now. Watcha' writin' there? Highly suspicious I'd say.

Panda: Yeah, this is super invasive!

Ice Bear: Ice Bear has too many secrets.

Chloe: It isn't invasive. Really. I'm doing research on local bears. It's an assignment for my class.

Grizzly: Class for what--kindergarten? [laughs] Up top.

Chloe: Actually, it's for a college course. I skipped a couple grades. So the joke's on you.

Grizzly: Well, the proof... is in the pudding! We got your backpack! I'm gonna mess with your stuff and get answers at the same time. Oh-ho! Whats all this? [muffled] I'm eating your stuff! Hows it feel? [munches] Whoa. Aww. Is this you? "Chlu..."

Panda: "Cha-low-ee."



Ice Bear: Ice Bear has never seen a smaller human.

[Grizzly laughs]

Chloe: Stop it! Give me that! And spit those out! [Grizzly spits out gummies] You aren't even eating them right! Here you go. They're a little spicy.

Grizzly: [munches] Oh my gosh, you guys! These are so good! Can we have another?

Chloe: Sure!

Grizzly: Whoo!

[bears munching]

Chloe: Actually, I have a proposition for you guys. Would you mind if a hung around for a little bit to study your behavior? [singsong voice] I'll bring you as many gummies as you want.

Grizzly: Deal!

Raincloud Chill starts to play.

[toothbrush whirring]

Grizzly: Should I be doing something?

Chloe: Nope. Just be normal.

Hey, hey look to the sky the sun is bright, there's not a cloud in view! (Not a cloud in view) I'm thinkin' we make the most of this sunshine.

[Panda clears throat]

"What do you say?" Says me, Ooh, doo-doo, doo-doo! Don't wanna push No gloom in these streets

[camera shutter clicks]

I just saw a guy with a purple hat And the elements will be like a bind! Yo, rain cloud, chill,

[bell dings]

stay away! Not in the mood for your fluff, okay? Come back in two weeks, or two years, or maybe never.

[customers murmuring]

'Cause I just want it bright for now, forever!

[bears laughing]

Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo. Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo! Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo. Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo! Rain cloud, chill, Stay away for a while.

Raincloud Chill ends.

Grizzly: Hey friend. How's it going? You need anything? Almost done? When can I see?

Chloe: Hang on.

Grizzly: Oh yeah. It's cool. Cool, cool. You got it.

Chloe: Done!

All Bears: Done!

[bears clapping]

Ice Bear: Ice Bear believed in you.

Grizzly: Now that you're done, you wouldn't happen to have anything spicy for us, would you?

Chloe: Spicy? I don't think I know what you're talking about.

Grizzly: But--you said-- the thing.

Chloe: Just kidding!

[bears laugh]

Chloe: I got loads! Go ahead!

[Grizzly munches, spits]

Panda:[chuckles] We worked so hard for this!

[cellphone vibrates]

Chloe: Oh no! The last bus! I've got to go! Sorry for dashing! I'll see you guys!

[door shuts]

Grizzly: Well, that was fun. Now time to enjoy our spoils! Huh? Oh no.

Panda: Chloe's laptop, she needs this! Grizzly: Hmm. Well... now that it's here, a little peek can't hurt. Hmm-- the assignment! Let's go full-screen! Next slide! "Large and Needy Beasts of the North." Wha---

Panda: Ugh--that's a horrible photo!

Grizzly: Powerful stench! It's an alluring musk!

Ice Bear: Ice Bear smells like clean babies.

Panda: We don't make people uncomfortable!

Grizzly:[laughs] Cool. It's me.

Panda: Grizz, most of this stuff isn't nice. I mean--what! My diet is way more balanced than that! I mean, it's just more lies!

Ice Bear: Ice Bear settled that out of court.

Grizzly: The bear will do most anything for food. "Anything for food"? That's just not true. I don't understand, this is just a misrepresentation.

Panda: This doesn't represent us at all!

[cellphone beeps]

Panda: Look at this.

Grizzly: "Left my laptop." "Could you bring it by the college for me tomorrow?" Gasping face. Tomorrow. Huh.

[Both laughing evilly]

Grizzly: Oh, I'll bring it by tomorrow! "Yes," Winky, winky, winky. This is our chance bros. To show to people who we really are. Chloe won't mind if we make a couple adjustments. Break out the sugary drinks! We have a project to write!

[soda cans cracking open]

[keyboard clacking]

[bell chiming]

[Chloe panting]

Grizzly: (whispering) Chloe. Hey, psst! Hey, Chloe! We're over here.

Chloe: You guys made it!

Grizzly: Of course. Here's your Lappy. Safe and sound.

Chloe: Awesome! Thank you guys so much! I gotta run, but I'll see you guys later!

Grizzly: Later, indeed. [laughing evilly] Is there any more room down there?

[indistinct conversations]

Teacher: All right everyone, we're going to start now. Will our first presenter come forward? Chloe? Chloe?

Chloe? Huh? Oh yes! Uh, 'scuse me. Comin' through.

(The Bears walk into the room in disguises)

Chloe: (Clears throat) I'd like to introduce to you all the topic of my report. Bears! I took the time to locate and study three bear specimens of the Northern Californian region and have compiled my facts on them to share with you today. Let's start with the next slide...

(On the slideshow:)

Grizzly: You thought you knew about bears...YOU DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!! Nothing can recreate the majesty of a bear overlooking his realm. More often than not, bears can be found saving the human race from themselves. Bears are also the cleanest of this planets creatures, they bathe in astonishing 3 times a month. Bears have an evolutionized to be masters of all combat. Bears have more than 8 abs, with new abs being discovered every day!

Panda: Bears have lots of feelings and that's a beautiful thing...

Ice Bear: Bears are smart, congratulations, bear.

Grizzly with an edited voice: In conclusion...Majestic, action, hygiene, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, fire, magic, competent.

(The slideshow goes black and then appears with the blue screen of death.)

(The Bears applaud and whistle)

Chloe: Umm, I promise that, it wasn't what...

Teacher: Chloe. I think it's very apparent to me and everyone else in this classroom that you put no actual research into this project.

Chloe: I really did do the research, I-

Teacher: Nothing in your report was based on any scientific fact.

Grizzly: (Whispers to Panda) Why's she so angry, that was all true. (He taps a student next to him) Pardon student, what did you think about that ab slide? Pretty accurate right? (The student sniggers next to her friend.)

Teacher: I have no choice but to issue you an incomplete, I thought you were more mature than this...Please take your seat.

Grizzly: WAIT! Your honor please! We have a confession to make. We are not actually the handsome rapscallions you see before you. We are in fact... BEARS! (He takes his hoodie off, but he struggles.) Be-be-agh (Muffled) Be, mmh. Bears.

(Everyone gasps)

(The Bears begin to climb down on the seats to the front of the stage)

Panda: We're Chloe's friends and we, excuse me, are also, sorry, the ones who wrote that report!

Grizzly: (Now on the stage with Chloe and the other bears) She really did research, we just wanted to make it more exciting. We're really sorry.

Panda: I'm sorry too; we were such fools...

Ice Bear: Ice Bear feels shame...

Student: Pardon me, now that you guys are up there, would you mind telling me whether it's true that bears have horrible dental hygiene?

Student: I also wanted to know, is there an evolutionary benefit for bears having such big behinds?

Student: Are bears dogs?

Grizzly: Umm, those are some very nice, umm, revealing questions you got there, umm, I don't know if we...Alright let's do this! One, we are not dogs. B, Our butts look awesome and C, my dentist says my teeth are getting better. Keep those questions coming, we're answering all of them!

(Students ask questions to The Bears)


Student: (To Chloe) Great job in there!

Student: Yeah, that was great!

Grizzly: Hey Chloe, we're gonna go watch this new TV show back at our place, you wanna come?

Chloe: I don't know you guys...I have another test to study for.

The Bears: Awww.

Chloe: Oh, alright then.

Grizzly: Yay!

Panda: Also bring more gummies!

Ice Bear: Ice Bear will share his secrets...About other bears mostly.

(Cut to The Three Bears and Chloe watching TV)

(Grizzly laughs at something on the TV, Chloe then gets her notepad and writes something down)